Sunday, August 25, 2013

Sometimes You Just Need to Vent...So Here I Go

All right...I think it's been about a week or so since I've posted last. There's a lot going on, as usual. I think this current school year is about three weeks old and I'm still trying to get adjusted to this new schedule. Something always falls by the wayside, and that something is usually my workouts (which is a BIG no-no) so I'm gonna have to amp up the discipline a few notches so I can get everything done. ESPECIALLY since my son will be starting basketball this week; he's already playing football. So there goes the one evening during the week where I don't have anywhere to be.

But anyway, I decided to spend part of this beautiful Sunday afternoon blogging because I am just so over it. Over what? I'll answer you. This past week I have experienced several, incredibly frustrating instances of non-responsiveness from my "friends" and acquaintances. Folks who are always saying to hit them up anytime and call them whenever I want to talk or hang out or if I should ever need anything are amazingly nowhere to be found when there comes a time I actually take them up on one of those evidently-empty offers. And there's always an excuse; they were too busy or whatever. Hey...I'm plenty busy, too. It's not like I have time to sit and yap on the phone for hours and hours like I did when I was in high school. But I make time for the people I claim are important to me. And I don't make suggestions like 'let's talk or hang out sometime' or anything like that if I don't really mean it. Because I actually realize that if I put something like that out there, they might actually take me up on it. So if I don't mean it, I don't say it.

And let me move onto the next thing, since I'm on a roll. Now, I am a big romantic. A huge one, even. But I am so over people in love. Every time I blink there's someone else getting married or posting about their new relationship or how they're about to go on some family vacation or they're knocked up. Oh, and in case you haven't figured it out, I'm single. And have been for five years. No need in letting all my bitterness show but you can probably tell I'm not crazy about that. So while ninety-five percent of the time, I am more than happy to hear about people's happiness (okay; ninety percent), this weekend has not been one of those times. It was like everywhere I freakin' turned, there was somebody else, posing with their new boo or whatever, putting their happiness on blast and blinding me with it. It's not like I don't wish them well (deep, deep down); I just wish I didn't have to see or hear about it right now.
And what kind of goes hand in hand with that is the common and canned advice and 'encouragement' insisting that I should just be patient and my time is coming and blah blah blah. I've heard that so many times it's become disingenuous. Like it's just something people feel like they should say because it sounds good.

These melancholy musings (along with this past week just being particularly hectic) has put a halt to my progress on some things I'm working on. Straight up; every time I've sat in front of my computer and tried to write, it was like water dripping from the faucet instead of flowing. I have things to do; I don't have time to let this kind of stuff disrupt my flow. So this is only going to be temporary. I have a jar of peanut butter (Peanut Butter & Co.'s White Chocolate Wonderful; my absolute favorite), a couple of cans of Crunk Juice and my water jug here so I can keep myself fueled up as I try to make up for lost (aka wasted) time. I can't control anybody's actions but my own, so I'll just have to put my years of experience being a loner to use and suck it up.

Hey...I'm human. I get upset. I have moments. It happens.


Sunday, August 18, 2013

Yes, I'm still here...

This has been a crazy week. As you may or may not know, I have two jobs as it is. Then my son is back in school and  football practice has kicked back up so I'm getting acclimated to a new schedule, which includes me driving almost an hour each way to pick him up from his dad's house two or three times a week, and this is after I get off my night job. So needless to say, my time has been a little consumed lately. Is it too soon to wish this school year/football season was over with??

Another thing I'm dealing with is working on a project with a deadline. This is actually a first for me; anything else I've done had been dictated by me but now other people are included so I can't go on my own time clock anymore. It's both thrilling and terrifying, but I'm up to the challenge. This whole writing thing is about growth and progress, right? Well, I'm growing and progressing. I'll let you know how it all turns out, when it's all over with. Can't say much about it right now.

Let's see, what else...well, with this new schedule my workouts this past week have laxed. Okay, to be real about it, they've fallen off completely. Other than some squats and other minor stuff a week ago, I haven't worked out at all this week. Usually when I'm working from home for my day job, I work out during my lunch hour but I've either been catching a nap or working on other stuff, and on the two days I had to go into the office, by the time I finally got home after going to get my son, I barely had the energy to change clothes, let alone work out. So I'm going to have to definitely do better about that because I am not trying to derail what progress I've made. And anyway, I like to eat too much to be missing workouts.

Not too much else has been going on...I went out last night to a belated birthday dinner with my homegirl, which was nice. I enjoyed getting out of the house for once; its certainly not something I get to do very much, at least for anything social. I'm trying to plan my son's upcoming birthday party; I still can't believe he's going to be ten years old. I bet in another couple of years he's going to be taller than I am, and I'm not short. They grow up so fast...I'm gonna blink and he's gonna be introducing me to his girlfriend and asking to borrow my car. I already know I'm not gonna like her. (I'm kidding; I will). (I won't).

It's after eleven P.M. and I want to get some more writing in before I get in the bed. I have to squeeze in writing time everyday some kind of way. In an effort to increase my productivity and organization I've downloaded a to-do list app on  my phone to try to schedule my days for the things I need to get done consistently. It would probably work better if I actually inputted tasks on there...I was just proud of myself for downloading it at all. Now I have to use it...

So anyway, just wanted to drop a quick note that I was still here and everything. Just dealing with life and everything that comes with it. I'll get back to being more consistent with it soon enough. Whenever.

See you next time!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

It's My Natural Hair and I'm...Hating it Right Now

Okay, so it's after midnight, I have to get up and go to the office tomorrow, and I'm sitting up stewing over my hair. I'm not liking it very much right now at all.

My hair is natural and has been for the past five years or so. Most of the time I love it. Well, let me quit lying...most of the time, I like it a whole, whole lot. Some of the time, I love it. But this is certainly not one of those times.

A little background here; going natural was not a conscious decision for me. I didn't do a big chop (aka cutting off all the relaxed hair), nor did I purposely transition (aka growing the relaxed hair out until nothing but the natural goodness is left). My hair was relaxed but I would at times get kinky twists or braids to give myself a break. Well, I wore kinky twists for two years without getting touch-ups in between and come 2008, when I was getting ready to start a new job, I didn't have the money to get them re-done and all my relaxed hair had completely grown out. So I had a head full of natural hair that I had absolutely no clue what to do with. I remember standing in the mirror the morning I was supposed to start the job and just looking at it helplessly. I hadn't been natural since I was a child, and then, my hair was my Mama's problem, not mine. So I had no idea what I was supposed to do with my big head full of thick, coarse, dense hair. After a while I managed to pin it up into what I considered a presentable-enough style, but I felt like Vanessa Huxtable from The Cosby Show when she had that boxy afro thing (think about the episode where she thinks her boyfriend Roy wanted to break up with her). Except she probably liked hers like that; I hated mine.

Over time I've gotten better at how to deal with my hair, though I admit it's only been in the last year or so that I really started trying to learn how to take care of it. And it's evident in the growth, or lack thereof; it's grown since 2008 but not nearly as much as you would think it would in five freakin' years. And now that I'm actually trying, actually watching YouTube videos and reading blogs and articles and making sure I drink enough water and being mindful of the products I use and trimming my ends and all that, it seems like it's not doing me any good. My hair can be some of the most frustrating stuff in creation. There are days when I absolutely love it, so much so that I hate to mess it up at the end of the day. Like when I have the perfect afro puff.


But then...there are the days when I want to just cut it all off and start over. It is some of the most uncooperative strings of protein I've ever had to deal with. My bathroom looks like a small section of the natural hair aisle at Walgreens because I've been trying so many different things; I even joined a natural hair group and went to a product swap so I wouldn't keep spending money on more products but would hopefully come across what works best for my hair. No such luck.


My hair literally just soaks up whatever I put in it, so it often looks and feels dry. And I drink plenty of water and watch what I eat (well, most of the time). My ends often look scraggly. I can never really think of what to do with it; I have a very limited repertoire of hairstyles. As creative as I am when it comes to writing books, none of that translates to hair styling (probably a good thing I didn't continue with my cosmetology career, huh? Though natural hair wasn't nearly as big back then as it is now). Just about every time I try something new, it never works and I end up going back to my fallback afro-puff. But my biggest issue with my hair is, it just seems like it WON'T FREAKIN' GROW! (Or it just seems like it isn't). This can be incredibly, incredibly frustrating to someone who actually wants their hair to get longer.

So...back to why I'm so frustrated on this particular evening. I had wanted some more kinky twists last week but wasn't able to get them. I had been watching several YT videos on doing your own twists and figured, hey, this doesn't look so difficult...I have four packs of hair in my trunk...I'll try it! If I manage to pull it off, it will save me a ton of money 'cause I'll be able to put them in whenever I want to and it'll only cost me about twenty bucks (as opposed to the hundred that I usually pay). Well, I wanted to wash and deep condition my hair first, but that got scratched when it was after nine by the time I finished working out and cooking dinner. So I opted to just blow it out first instead, which is something I never do. Not good. Then I began trying to practice the technique I had seen on the multiple videos I had watched. I managed to get one twist done, though I had to redo it 'cause half of it looked like crap. I tried it again a couple more times and then threw the hair down in frustration. I didn't expect to get it perfectly right on the first try, but I figured my cosmetology background would kick in and I'd get the hang of it after a couple of tries. Well, I didn't. I ended up just putting it in four big two-strand twists and banding it, like I usually do. Ho-hum.

Sooo....there it is. I hate my hair right now. And I felt the need to sit up for an hour blogging about it.

I'm going to bed. Here's to a good hair day tomorrow.