Sunday, December 8, 2013

Weak Men to the Left

I know I haven't blogged in a little while (and I won't bore you with why that is) but this particular subject has been on my mind for a little while and I knew the next blog I wrote was going to be about this.

Now, let me get this on out of the way up front; I LOVE MEN. Love 'em. This is not a man-bashing post or any of that nonsense. But it is bringing attention to something that I find itchingly irksome.

There are way too many weak men. 

Let me explain what I mean. Now, I love my fellow sistas...I'm all for women's empowerment and a having an adequate level of independence and going for yours and all that. And some might not appreciate what I'm gonna say, but oh well.

One thing I've noticed is that in our constant struggle to be taken more seriously and be that strong woman that we are often situationally forced to be, we tend to emasculate the men around us. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. But too many times, it is. I've seen it firsthand so I'm not just pulling stuff out of the sky, here. Women get to enjoying the smell of their own perfume and perspiration a little too much and start getting a little too big for their tailored britches. We make the men in our lives think that they're inferior, that we don't need them, even that we're doing them some kind of favor by even being there.

But what's even worse is, the men allow this to happen. Dudes can be absolute beasts at work or anywhere else, but when they get around their women, they're like puppies. Women are often the heads of the household or the outspoken ones while the men just kind of hang in the back.

This isn't what I'm used to. I know times are different now, but when I was coming up, it was known that while my mother might have had the more in-your-face personality, my father ran things. Period. He was the head. We deferred to him. He asked for my mother's input, not her permission. And when I see how things have gone so far from this lately, it irritates me. Sometimes I just want to shake these men and scream "Where the *bleep* is your backbone?? Man up!"

I believe that art imitates life, even if it's just to a certain extent. And when I'm watching television, even the commercials, you see examples of what I'm talking about all the time:

A couple gets an insurance check and the wife snatches it out of her husband's hand and walks off with it.
A wife turns her husband's man cave into a mom cave.

Men automatically accepting the blame and apologizing for things they may or may not even be at fault for, just to keep the peace (or to still be able to get some at the end of the night).

Men that know they are in the right but always end up caving because they're so freakin' whipped. Maybe to some women this is a turn-on or something, but to me, it's a repellent. I do not want a man I can walk all over. I love and respect a man who can admit when he's wrong, but I also appreciate a man who has the balls to check me when I am, too, and we just don't see enough examples of that.

And with as much television as kids and teens watch nowadays, that's how they think it should be. Life begins to imitate art. Plenty of times I've seen little girls try to boss little boys around, and the boys just take it. Like Rudy and Bud on the Cosby Show. Clair might have set Rudy straight on that in that instance, but not enough women are are doing the same to other little girls.

And I mention this example in the Cosby Show, but there have also been examples on there between Cliff and Clair where it infuriated me how Cliff let Clair tell him what to do or have the final say or dictate what's going to be done, despite his objections. And he just let her do it. 

Look, there's nothing wrong with being strong. As women, we have to be. We've been discriminated against and overlooked so much in so many ways that in our efforts to be taken seriously and seen as equals, we've kind of gone overboard with it. I have a son, and that's enough; I want my man to be a man, not like another child I have to check after and boss around. Women often scold men like they scold their children, or give them the evil eye until they concede or start withholding stuff like sex until the get their way. Frankly (and excuse my language), this is some bulls**t. I wouldn't want a man that would let me do that. Dude, don't just throw your hands up and give in because you don't want to argue. Stand your freakin' ground. Now, don't go all to the left with it and try to be a dictator or anything like that, but you're supposed to be in this thing together.

Now I'm gonna say something else my sistas might not like but, again, oh well:

Women, it's not all about us. 

We cannot always get our way. We shouldn't always have to have the last word. You're not any less of a strong woman if you admit that you're wrong (in fact, you're more so). Your man telling you 'no' doesn't mean he doesn't love you. And even if you come with the good job-good sense-good sex package, that doesn't mean you're a prize that can't be given back. Recognize that being submissive doesn't mean being weak or inferior. Quit trying to be the 'bad bitch' and focus on being the helpmeet to your man.  

A lot of people regale low self-esteem to being a women's problem but please believe, men suffer from it, too. And especially if they've never had many girlfriends coming up or they don't think much of themselves, they might be so blown away that anyone wants them at all that they're willing to accept anything.

The show The Big Bang Theory is an excellent example of this. I love the show overall, but those men are so used to being bullied and walked on that they let the women around them talk to them any kind of way and get away with just about anything. Every now and then they'll put a little steel in their spine but usually, they're doormats. I can't say how many times I've screamed "Punk!" at the television screen when Leonard caved in to Penny about something or other. Or heck, when they've given in to Sheldon and his ridiculous demands. It doesn't always have to be about a woman; it can be other people in general. And yes, I recognize that not everyone has the same upbringing and examples and whatnot. But my original point remains: generally, men have just gotten too freakin' weak. And there is nothing hot about that. 

Or maybe you just have weak moments, as many of us do at times, and it's not necessarily the norm but it still happens way more than it should. If you find yourself giving in more than you want to because you want to keep things smooth and not ruffle any feathers or avoid an argument, I hope you recognize you're not really helping anything in the long run. Because after a while, this will be expected of you. It's like a child who constantly throws temper tantrums to get their way. You've gotta put your foot down and show them that's not gonna work. Same thing with your woman or whoever else. Heck, if arguing is what it takes, argue and get it over with. It doesn't have to drag out forever. Deal with it and move on, but don't concede simply because you don't have the strength to stand up for yourself or you're afraid of them walking out the door if you do. You deserve to be respected just like your woman does. 

*exhaling* So glad I got that off my chest...with that being said, until I tattle next time! #peaceloveandwords