My son is next to me and a I randomly (and often) smother his still-soft cheeks with motherly kisses, which he endures with a tolerant grunt.
It takes me back to when he was a chubby-cheeked baby who would scurry away from me as I playfully chased him, my fingers wiggling as I repeated how I was gonna get him. Then I'd sweep him up in my arms and tickle him and nuzzle his neck. We'd do this ten times and every time, he'd squeal and giggle like it was an unexpected surprise. And every time my grin would be a mile wide because, hey, hearing that laugh just never gets old.
Then it was like time just started to zoom.
Now he's 15, and the days of picking him up and toting him around in my arms are long gone. He towers over me now by several inches. (He doesn't even really like taking pictures with me anymore like this; that started to phase out by age 13 or so).
He thankfully still likes my hugs. And he'll come lay on my shoulder or my leg when we're sitting around the house. But when I go overboard with the affection, he's quick to reward me with one of his signature grunts and groan "Mom!"
It's hitting me that his freshman year of high school is going to be over in a couple of months, and then he'll be a sophomore. Then a junior. Then a senior. Then he'll be graduating and going to an out-of-state college.
Oh god!!!
I'm not ready for that and I know it. The thought of him packing up his things and going someplace where I won't see him everyday bums me out, regardless of the reason for it. I'm certainly not one of those parents that can't wait for their kids to leave the house. I love having my son here. Heck, I hate when he's gone for a weekend.
*deep breath*
I know it probably sounds like I'm one of those mothers that's overly attached their sons. I'm not. Do I love my son immensely? I absolutely do. But my life doesn't revolve around him and him only. When the time comes for him to go off to college, I'll deal with it.
But I'm not gonna kid myself and act like it's going to be a piece of cake, either. I won't be dropping or sending him off one minute and planning a freedom party the next. There will be some tears. I already know.
So that just means that I'll have to try to pry him away from YouTube long enough to squeeze in as much quality time as I can before then.
I'm kinda dreading the empty nest. Who knows where I'll be by 2022. I could be in a different career (fingers crossed), in a different house, married. Or all of the above. Doesn't matter. I'll still want my son here.
But, I know he'll have to grow up and live his life at some point. He can't stay here with me forever. And hopefully he won't want to; I want him to be independent and take care of himself, and I'm preparing him to be able to do just that.
And I'll have to ask some friends and family how they dealt with the empty nest syndrome.
I'll still remember chasing him around the house and grin when I think of his cute little baby squeal when I caught him, though.
