(Okay, maybe addicted is a little strong a word but grant me that bit of hyperbole here, okay?).
What the heck is funk food, you ask? No, it's not food that smells bad or anything like that (who would like that??). It's an equal love of fast food and junk food. And I know we're in this era of weight/calorie/health/fat/sugar-consciousness where there's seemingly something wrong with just about everything you can put in your mouth, but that doesn't stop me from loving things like McDonald's french fries and Twix candy bars and honeybuns, pizza with pepperoni, sausage, and bacon on it, and just about any kind of cheesecake. And I also know that there are plenty of people who make it their mission to create healthier and supposedly equally-as-tasty alternatives to this, but I'm sorry, burgers made out of beans and rice and that fake bacon are just not good to me. Some stuff just can't be substituted, in my opinion.
Now don't get me wrong; I love the good stuff, too. I am a nut for asparagus and mangoes and broccoli and quinoa and all that stuff...I can go days without eating meat if I want to and I drink water 98% of the time. I prefer it. The hardest thing I drink is Crunk Juice (an energy drink); I don't drink alcohol and soda is a once-in-a-blue-moon kind of thing for me. Really, I love seafood the most. So it's not like I have totally terrible eating habits. But no matter how good I am about what I put in my body-temple, that funk food craving or desire never quite goes away. It might go on vacation for a while, and I don't even desire it, but when I do, I go at it HARD. When I'm PMS'ing I usually don't care anything about any vegetables or fruits or anything like that...give me some Popeye's chicken or McDonald's nuggets and fries (with no salt; I hate salt) or some Little Debbie Nutty Bars or Zebra Cakes and keep 'em comin'. During that time, I just don't care. Or when I'm low on cash, I'll succumb to the temptation of the fast and the dollar menu, too. Eating 'clean' ain't cheap.
Lemme give you an example of when I most recently fell off the wagon with the funk food. A couple of months ago I had foot surgery and was on crutches for a month, so of course, I couldn't work out or even walk at all. Just before that, I had discovered and fallen in love with this place down the street from the house called Bubba Mac's. They have stuff like cheesesteaks, burgers, wings, etc. The first time I went, I had the Ultimate Burger, which has bacon, cheese (which I am not a lover of most of the time), mushrooms, onions, lettuce, tomato, pickles (which I omitted), ketchup (omitted), mayo (very, very light, I requested), and mustard. I think that's all that was on there. And let me tell you, it was AWESOME and awesome some more. I don't remember when I've had a burger so good! And I have a weakness for french fries; it's just hard for me not to order french fries. How 'bout I ended up going up in there every day for just shy of a month?? Literally one day short of a month, I went everyday. I didn't get the same thing every time; I rotated between the Ultimate Burger, the Chicken Philly, the Philly Burger, and the Shrimp Stir Fry (with no cheese). And they also have deliciously-sweet lemonade and oftentimes cake, too, which I indulged in more times than I care to acknowledge. And because I had quickly become a regular and had also sent a good amount of business their way by shouting them out on Facebook so much and by word of mouth, they would often throw in a few wings or some onion rings or something, which, of course, I didn't refuse. So needless to say, my inability to walk or exercise coupled with eating that kind of stuff on a daily basis netted me about a ten pound weight gain, which I am currently whittling off now that I'm back on my feet. I've restricted myself to only going to Bubba Mac's on the weekends, and sometimes just one day out of the weekend instead of both (or all three, if you count Friday). Bubba Mac was my pusher and I was the willing addict. Now I'm trying to wean myself off and lemme tell you, it ain't easy.
I just love to eat. I'm not a glutton, but I love food. You won't see me going to a restaurant and ordering salad. And to me, a meal just is not complete without dessert. And while I love fruit, I do not consider that dessert. There are times I want something sweet like some brownies or cookies or some kind of pastry and want to throw something when there aren't any in the house. Since I've joined Instagram I've seen a lot of healthy dessert options that actually look pretty good, but the only thing that turns me off about them is I have to go and find all these special ingredients, like wheat germ and date sugar and gluten-free this and xanthum gum...ugh. I've never even heard of most of that stuff. It just makes me want to throw my hands up and make a late-night Snickers ice cream run.
But...*sigh* I do know that I won't get my thick and sexy physique back (the way I want it, anyway) if I don't learn to let go of this funk food love I have. All things in moderation, though portion control has always been an issue for me. Either my eyes are bigger than my stomach or I just want more than the little baby portion that is recommended. What am I gonna do with a little kiddie order of fries?? But anyway. I'll get there.
In the meantime, thank you for listening. I do declare, I will get this funk food semi-addiction under control! Right now, though, I have a zucchini nut muffin here that needs some attention.
