Friday, September 28, 2018

Cross This One Off the Bucket List

Usually when people talk about bucket lists, you think of things like jumping out of an airplane, traveling to some foreign country, maybe meeting some famous person, stuff like that. Me, I never really had much of a bucket list to speak of (I guess I'm boring), but if I did, this one thing would be at the top of the list:

Being a surrogate.

This is something that I've wanted to do for years. I'm not sure where or when the desire originated, but I just know that it's been something that I've wanted to do for a while. And not knowing how exactly to go about it, a few years ago I did what most people do when they want to know something: I turned to the internet. I scoured the web for information on surrogacy; the requirements, the restrictions, the tales of personal experiences. All of it fascinated me.

After being glued to my computer screen for hours, soaking up all this wonderful information, I was even more eager to get started on this beautiful experience. I found a couple of agencies and filled out their questionnaires, just sure I'd be getting some good news in the following couple of days.

But to my surprise, what I got was rejection. And I got it fairly quickly.

Both of the agencies shut me down cold. Said, basically, that I was too fat to be a surrogate (okay, what they said was that my weight was disproportionate to my height, but in my mind, same thing). My hopes dashed, I thought that my dream to be a surrogate would be nothing more than just that, unless I dropped twenty or so pounds.

Losing some weight wouldn't have hurt, but I just ended up resigning myself to the fact that it wasn't going to happen. I didn't know any other way to try to make it happen. So I painfully put it out of my mind for the next couple of years.

Then one day on Facebook, I'm participating in a discussion (I forget the topic) in this group I'm a part of and mentioned that I wanted to be a surrogate. This woman suggested I contact an agency in Atlanta that her employer works with (I forget her occupation). I thanked her profusely, but held on to the number for a while before actually calling; I didn't want to get face-palmed again once they found out how thick and juicy I was. I did look up the agency, though, and remember liking what I saw; it was a different vibe than the other ones I had looked at. Despite my trepidations, I was getting a good feeling.

So eventually, I sucked it up and called Tomorrow's Parents International. I immediately reached a super nice man named Marcus, and when I told him I was interested in becoming a surrogate, he eagerly welcomed me and let me know who I needed to talk to, and it was on from there. That began a 14-month process towards me getting pregnant with a very nice foreign couple's baby.

(Normally, it probably doesn't take that long. I had some issues along the way; fibroids and polyps required me to have a hysteroscopy, then I had to recover from that, and the first two couples that chose me decided to move on thanks to this. And plus, it's somewhat of a tedious process, anyway, just because of all the things that go into it. I'm kind of kicking myself for not documenting all of it along the way because there's no way I can remember every little step now).

In November 2017, I went down to Augusta, GA to get an embryo implanted. In December, it was confirmed that I was pregnant. It took on the first try, thankfully. I was so excited! I can't even tell y'all how happy I was.

Not only was I getting to experience pregnancy again, but I was getting to help someone who really wanted a child of their own but was unfortunately unable to carry. I think some people take for granted how easy it is for a lot of people to get pregnant; my son certainly wasn't planned. But for other women, it's not so easy. It either takes multiple tries and/or the intervention of science, or it doesn't happen at all. I can't even imagine the pain of a miscarriage, but this lady Marjorie* had endured several, the last one being almost fatal, so she couldn't even try anymore. I was actually honored that they chose me to help them with something so amazingly important to them.

The pregnancy wasn't the smoothest in the world; my first one was way easier than this one. My first trimester, in a word, sucked. The second one was a little better. By the third, I felt I had hit my stride, though I was put on bed rest...due to my age, I was considered high risk, and I was working two jobs. Had to chill out with that (which I did not have a problem with) and I got a lot of rest leading up to the induction this past August.

The delivery went fine, though it was considerably more painful than it was with my son, and that was with the epidural. But when I saw the look of sheer elation on the faces of Marjorie and John*, it didn't even matter. That was what I did it for; seeing that look on their faces when their baby girl was born made all those gut-wrenching contractions and months of discomfort before that worth it.

Now I've recovered and am back to work (yippee) (not), and I almost can't believe it's over. After the long, tedious process to even get pregnant, it seemed like the pregnancy just flew by. Marjorie and John have gone back home with their beautiful baby, and they send me pictures and keep me updated on how they're doing, which I appreciate.

One of the main questions I got throughout the pregnancy and after was if I regret doing all this, or if I wish I been able to keep her for myself. One, I couldn't have done that if I wanted to (no legal rights), and two, I established a few years ago that I don't want any more children. So I have no yearnings or baby fever or anything like that. I'm thrilled that I was able to fulfill this dream, for them and for myself.

Would I do it again? If physically able, absolutely! I actually plan to restart the whole fun process early next year when the required six month waiting period is up. And hopefully, the process will be a little more smooth this time.

But even if something does prevent me from being a surrogate again (the most likely culprit being fibroids, which just don't seem to want to go away but thankfully weren't an issue during the pregnancy), I'm thankful I got to do it this time. And I'll never forget it.

So that part of my bucket list is officially complete.





*names changed

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